"And That's Why I Don't Chew Gum While Driving" Doom

Yesterday I was out an about.  I'm Canadian so hear that in your head as oot and aboot if you must, I won't blame you.

Anyhow, I was really thirsty.  The kind of thirsty that makes you throat close up and your mouth all pasty and gross.  At one of my stops, I pulled some gum out of my purse and, lo, my mouth wasn't so dry anymore.  Yay!  Everything is a-ok again.

I then start to drive home.  A 35ish minute drive.  I'm happily chewing away on my gum and popping it since I'm alone (I would never do that with anyone around because I know how irritating it is).  The drive is going smooth and the mixed bag weather was holding out to just being grey and windy.

All of the sudden I start thinking...

What if I choke on the gum while driving?

And I can't get the thought out of my head.

I would choke on my gum, and get into a car accident while suffocating on a stupid piece of gum. All of the sudden my gum is not my dry mouth saviour but the anti-christ.  At best I'm going to go off the road and end up in a ditch.  At worst I'm going to somehow take out a family and forever be known as the murderer of people by gum.

There will be a law enacted called "Amanda's Law" wherein you cannot chew gum while driving and because it's a law, people will purposely ignore it just like they do with the texting/phoning and driving laws.  I'll have started a line of carnage throughout history of people claiming they can "gum and drive".

So what do I do?  I reach for a tissue to get the gum out of my mouth and while reaching I almost drive off the road.  Ok, it wasn't that close, but it could have been!  There was definitely a minor swerve.

Let this be a lesson to you all.  Do not "gum and drive"!

Don't be a statistic!

Why I Piss Other Drivers Off Doom

Ok, so this doom is a fairly rational one.

Nobody likes to drive in freezing rain.  Well today it can't decide whether or not to snow or rain or even be sunny out, so it's somewhere in between.  That makes me worried about freezing rain.

See I have an appointment today and that means driving into the city.  Driving country roads in freezing rain isn't fun.  Especially since people don't seem to appreciate it when I drive the speed limit.  Everyone wants to race along those roads.  Personally I can't afford a ticket much less be in an accident so the speed limit (or a smidge over) is what I drive.

I will quite happily give other drivers opportunities to pass me but often THEY WON'T TAKE IT. They'd rather ride up my freakin' bumper even when it's snowing or something out.  Even when I get into those 2 lane passing areas, people won't pass right away.

JUST STOP IT!

CALM DOWN!

Pass me or back off, especially when the weather is bad.  I'd rather not get into an accident and end up in a ditch.  I don't want to need the jaws of life to get out of my car!

Here's hoping today's drive will be uneventful.

Lazy Sunday Doom

Hah!

I tricked you.

There is no doom for a lazy Sunday.

:-P

I hate crowds Doom

Crowds.

Whether they be in cars making traffic congestion (hello Toronto traffic) or shoppers in an Ikea.

Yeah.  I don't like it.

We're planning on going into Toronto and even from the backseat I find myself clutching the door and stomping on imaginary brake pedals.  

Then we're going to go to an Ikea where the sea of humanity will bump into me, crowd me, be noisy and all around suffocate my socially anxious ass.

Time to get out the tranquilizers.

Wow, this is one boring doom.

Inner Voice Doom

Everyone has an inner voice.

You know what I'm talkin' about.  That inner dialogue you have with yourself about everything including all the things you think but would never say. 

See, I'm fairly certain that even the nicest person has an inner angry little troll shouting out obscenities and judgements in your brain. Well, at least, I picture a troll.  You can picture whatever you want.  

If I'm wrong about everyone else having this inner voice, don't tell me.  I find comfort in thinking I can't possibly be the only one.  Although, I'm thinking inside that if you say you don't have that inner voice, you must be lying.

Thankfully we have filters that keep all that cray cray shit in there where it belongs.  OK, most of us have filters.  Mostly.

Can you imagine if we could hear everyone's inner voice?

All hell would break loose.  It would be chaos.  "Dogs and cats living together...MASS HYSTERIA!!!"*

Or it could whip us into shape and fix the human race so we wouldn't be such assholes to each other anymore.

Or possibly all sorts of people would just avoid me.

I can't decide.

*quotation from Ghostbusters.  Said by Dr. Peter Venkman.  Everyone should quote from Ghostbusters don't you think?  It's an awesome movie.

Hair Dye Doom

The first rule of "Hair Dye Club" is to forget the test strip and just go all in right away.  Admit it, most of us do it.  There is no shame.

However, we approach the box of dye with certain expectations:

1.  Your hair won't fall out

2.  It will actually turn out the colour it shows in the commercials.

IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR???

I guess hair dye is more like gambling than I thought it would be.

Now I'm no stranger to dying my hair red.  In fact for a couple of years now, I've been dying it an extreme fake red colour that I love.  The only problem is that particular dye is hard to get a hold of so I only do it every few months or so.  

Yesterday my hair was all faded out.  Not life threatening, I know.

I decided to try drugstore dyes again in since I won't be getting my preferred dye anytime soon. I just bought a hair dye called "Runway Red".   In the commercials  it looks all fake and scarlet...just the way I like it.  

I trusted the advertising.  

Did it turn out that way?

Nope.

Instead of being close to my signature colour like I thought it would be, it turned out a very orangey red.  

ORANGE.

Yep.  I know in the grand scheme of things it ain't no big thing.  

At least my hair hasn't fallen out.  Yet.

Hair Dye Doom.  It happens.

Confront Your Doom

I do not like confrontation.

DO. NOT. LIKE.

When it comes to confrontations, I feel dread like the fabric of the universe is going to be torn apart.  What makes it worse is that I think everything is going to end up in a confrontation.

I didn't park quite right on the driveway?  Confrontation and end of the world.

I accidentally brake a dish?  Confrontation and the end of the world.

My cats yowl all night?  Confrontation and end of the world.

You get the idea.

I have no basis for this thought process.  My housemates have never been angry with me for ANY of these things.

BUT OHMAHGAHHH it still feels like the world is going to end.

This is usually the time when I get playfully smacked and told to "snap out of it".

Yeah.  Deserved that.

Logic and me are not besties.  I wish we understood each other better.

I make no sense.