Trout Doom

Ahh the elusive trout.

The woods are fresh with spring.  The sky is grey and possibly threatening rain.  The long walk down to the valley is steep and exhausting.

Ok, Ok.  Once you get there it's beautiful, I admit.

And the excitement of having a trout on the line is, well, exhilarating.

So what could go wrong?

• pouring rain
• getting lures stuck in the flotsam in the stream making the Dude have to continually free my line and then he'll become angry with me
• fishing angry (you know how they say don't drive angry?  Well, they got the phrase from Don't Fish Angry...I'm sure of it)
• My bad back acting up making me very sore and dreading the climb back up  (ok, so it's rough trail stairs but there's A LOT of them, ok, and I'm very sedentary)
• spiders.  You just never know about those evil fuckers.
• ALL THE BAD THINGS HAPPENING MAKING IT THE WORST FISHING TRIP EVER AND IT WILL SOMEHOW BE ALL MY FAULT.

Oh and not catching a fish would suck too.

Yeah.

Scary Movie Doom

Why do some of us love scary movies?

As a kid I couldn't handle them at all.  Even in my late teens and early twenties I didn't like them.

Now?  Well, now it's sort of a love/hate relationship with them.  I love getting sucked into watching them but I hate how they can sometimes get into my head and creep me right the hell out.  Because, yanno, horror movies have such incredibly plausible story lines that I might end up in one.  You never know, am I right?  Right?

IT'S JUST A MOVIE.

It doesn't help when you're alone and you have 3 cats that randomly stare at nothing.  NOTHING. Are they staring at a ghosts are is an epic game of "made you look".  Cats are assholes and I wouldn't put it past them.

But I watch them anyway.  Inevitably I watch them at night, get creeped out, and then spend the rest of the night turning on lights and jumping at random household noises.

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

ha!

Birthday Doom

Another year, another birthday.

Getting old sucks.  Getting old can be doom-worthy.

You'd think I'd be getting wiser and more mature but trust me, that just ain't happening.

MATURITY IS OVERRATED!

I've got family and friends who spoil me so you know what?  No doom today.

There's probably so much funny stuff I could write about today but it's my birthday and I don't feel like it.

So there.

(Told ya I was immature)

Service Ontario (DMV) Doom

Do I need to say more?

How long will the line be?

At least I'm in a small town and it's not usually too bad.

There, see?  I looked on the positive side of things.  It hurt in my brain to do that.

Ha.

Police Car Doom

No I didn't get arrested.  Why would you think that?

So we all know when a police car is going down the road with sirens blaring, you get out of the way. Right?

What do you do when you're in the  middle of the intersection?  I had people on all sides of the intersection and behind me.

This just happened to me.

I didn't know what to do so I stayed put.  I feel like I should have put my hazard lights on so the police would know that I saw them coming.   But I didn't.  I froze.  Literally.

Now I feel like the police are going to hunt me down, give me a ticket which I won't be able to pay, impound my car, arrest me, the judge will set my bail to an amount I can't pay, my friends and family will be ashamed of me, and I'll spend my days rotting in jail.

Makes sense, right?

WHY DOES MY BRAIN OPERATE LIKE THIS?

And what the hell do you do when you can't go anywhere anyway?

I should have put my hazard lights on dammit.

I'm so going to jail.

Getting the Newspaper Doom

I have trouble going outside.  The outside world seems big and scary and like a big weight on my shoulders pressing me down into the ground.

You know, 'cause air is so heavy.

I also have social phobia which makes me fear being seen or talked to when I finally do make it outside.

Cut to this morning and I have to go get the morning paper at the end of our long-ass driveway.  The sky is blue, it's beautiful out and I'm hiding behind the back door willing myself to turn the knob and go outside.  Finally I do it.  I just take a breath, twist that knob, and all of the sudden I'm out in the fresh air.

Ok, now what?

I literally start to hug the back wall of the house like I'm walking along a building ledge and creep along until I'm at the corner of the house.

I peek around the corner like any good covert ops person would do.  Hey, I've seen movies, right? I return flat backed against the back wall and breathe like I'm about to turn the corner and fight for my life.

No one there.

I can do this.

I take a deep breath and turn the corner.  Then I slowly walk towards the paper at the end of the driveway while scanning the scenery like a terminator looking for humans.

Still no one.

I grab the paper and make a bee-line towards the house.  Why is it called a bee-line anyway?  Don't bees have that figure 8 dance that they do?

But I digress.

I make it around the corner and quickly get myself through the back door again.  I flop against that back door and pant with relief like I've just finished running a mile.  (Not that I ever have run a mile. It's what I imagine, okay?)

I MOTHERFUCKING DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now to just get through the same thing tomorrow.

Undefined Doom

Do you ever have a sense of impending doom but  you don't know what it's for?

I do.

Right this very minute.

And not knowing what the feeling of doom is for just makes the feeling stronger.

This. Sucks.

But this too shall pass.