As I'm munching on my chocolate bunny from Easter I'm pondering the supposed shortage of chocolate that's coming.
If that's not a doom, then I don't know what is...
I picture anarchy. People fighting over squares of chocolate. There'd be a post-chocalyptic chocolate company run by a sisterhood of women.
I picture it like mad max except with chocolate instead of oil and Mel Gibson.
Yeah. Maybe that's just me.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Monday, April 6, 2015
Injury Doom
I somehow injured my right shoulder just over a week ago.
WILL IT EVER GET BETTER?
Do you ever get that feeling (especially as you get older) that you're falling apart and this is the beginning of the end? The injuries you get now will become permanent problems and you'll just keep getting more and more problems.
I guess that's the plight of the middle age. Is 43 middle age? I dunno.
I'm too immature for this. Ha!
WILL IT EVER GET BETTER?
Do you ever get that feeling (especially as you get older) that you're falling apart and this is the beginning of the end? The injuries you get now will become permanent problems and you'll just keep getting more and more problems.
I guess that's the plight of the middle age. Is 43 middle age? I dunno.
I'm too immature for this. Ha!
Sunday, April 5, 2015
The Washing of Sharp Things Doom
Once I accidentally washed a glass with a crack in it. It broke and sliced my finger open.
Now whenever I hand wash anything made out of glass I expect it to shatter on me and cut me.
This has also migrated to other sharp things, say, a big chef's knife. I picture accidentally slicing myself open while washing it every damn time.
'Cause there's nothing better when you're washing breakable or sharp things than to be distracted, am I right?
I'm washing a big knife later. Anything could happen.
Or you know, nothing 'cause I'm just being irrational as usual.
Now whenever I hand wash anything made out of glass I expect it to shatter on me and cut me.
This has also migrated to other sharp things, say, a big chef's knife. I picture accidentally slicing myself open while washing it every damn time.
'Cause there's nothing better when you're washing breakable or sharp things than to be distracted, am I right?
I'm washing a big knife later. Anything could happen.
Or you know, nothing 'cause I'm just being irrational as usual.
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Easter Dinner Doom
Social anxiety. I haz it.
Will I choke on the ham? They'd have to give me the heimlich and that might ruin dinner, yanno.
Will I stutter tonight at dinner?
Will I spill food all over the floor or myself?
Will I commit some outrageous faux pas?
Will my fat body fit into whatever place they put me to sit?
And soooo many more thinky thoughts.
Coffee. I need coffee. 'Cause there's nothing like a hit of caffeine to liven up an already anxiously racing mind.
Will I choke on the ham? They'd have to give me the heimlich and that might ruin dinner, yanno.
Will I stutter tonight at dinner?
Will I spill food all over the floor or myself?
Will I commit some outrageous faux pas?
Will my fat body fit into whatever place they put me to sit?
And soooo many more thinky thoughts.
Coffee. I need coffee. 'Cause there's nothing like a hit of caffeine to liven up an already anxiously racing mind.
Friday, April 3, 2015
Judgy Doom
Do you live in fear of being judged by everyone? I do. It makes absolutely no sense.
I think everyone is judging me all the time when in actual fact I bet no one is even thinking about me at all.
See, people are pretty self-absorbed which leads to me thinking exactly like this and leads to the fact that other people are probably thinking about themselves and not me.
So logically I know this but for some reason I can't stop thinking that other people are judging me.
And why should it matter anyway? I shouldn't care what other people think of me.
It's hard to step outside thinking like this.
Anyhow, this feels all stream of conciousness and convoluted.
People don't care. Get it into my thick skull!
I think everyone is judging me all the time when in actual fact I bet no one is even thinking about me at all.
See, people are pretty self-absorbed which leads to me thinking exactly like this and leads to the fact that other people are probably thinking about themselves and not me.
So logically I know this but for some reason I can't stop thinking that other people are judging me.
And why should it matter anyway? I shouldn't care what other people think of me.
It's hard to step outside thinking like this.
Anyhow, this feels all stream of conciousness and convoluted.
People don't care. Get it into my thick skull!
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Whiny Doom
I got a tetanus shot yesterday so my left arm hurts. I have an injury in my right shoulder. I haven't slept well for a few nights. I bashed my head really hard off the trunk of my open hatchback.
Basically I'm trying to get things done today but I'm sore and exhausted all over and whiny.
Me being whiny is a doom unto itself.
First world problem doom.
I'll just shut up now.
Basically I'm trying to get things done today but I'm sore and exhausted all over and whiny.
Me being whiny is a doom unto itself.
First world problem doom.
I'll just shut up now.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Smelly Doom
I have 3 cats. No I'm not a cat lady yet...I swear. I'm pretty sure you need at least 6 or more to be a cat lady.
Sorry Mom. You just might be a cat lady.
Notice that I left out "crazy". While I do think that bowing down to our cat overlords is a bit crazy, I don't think it makes you a crazy cat lady. Crazy cat lady would have to be 15 or so cats.*
But who cares, right? This ain't about the number of cats you have. This is about having a smelly cat.
One of my 3 cats has long hair and let's just say that sometimes...umm...things get stuck to his hiney that I like to call "cling-ons". Yep, occasionally he gets a poop stuck in his pants. I keep his butt hair trimmed the best that I can but sometimes it just happens, yanno?
And he becomes " THE SMELLIEST CAT IN THE WORLD ".
I swear to god I've cleaned him 3 times now and he still stinks to me. It's probably a bad idea to febreze him, right? <sigh>
See now I think I can never have anyone over because I never know when he's going to get a cling-on and then stink for the whole day no matter how much I clean him. This could spiral out of control until it invariably ends in me shaving the poor cat bald. He's a big cat too so I don't think he'd look especially good bald. It might make him downright angry and nobody holds a grudge better than a cat ( as cat owners well know ).
There ya go. My life could be ruined over because of a smelly, angry cat.
And I would take it too because he'd turn around and do something cute making me go, "aww who's a handsome kitty?".
Smelly cat bastard.
Why does he have to be cute?
*It's not a fact. It's just me making shit up 'cause it's my blog and I can.
Sorry Mom. You just might be a cat lady.
Notice that I left out "crazy". While I do think that bowing down to our cat overlords is a bit crazy, I don't think it makes you a crazy cat lady. Crazy cat lady would have to be 15 or so cats.*
But who cares, right? This ain't about the number of cats you have. This is about having a smelly cat.
One of my 3 cats has long hair and let's just say that sometimes...umm...things get stuck to his hiney that I like to call "cling-ons". Yep, occasionally he gets a poop stuck in his pants. I keep his butt hair trimmed the best that I can but sometimes it just happens, yanno?
And he becomes " THE SMELLIEST CAT IN THE WORLD ".
I swear to god I've cleaned him 3 times now and he still stinks to me. It's probably a bad idea to febreze him, right? <sigh>
See now I think I can never have anyone over because I never know when he's going to get a cling-on and then stink for the whole day no matter how much I clean him. This could spiral out of control until it invariably ends in me shaving the poor cat bald. He's a big cat too so I don't think he'd look especially good bald. It might make him downright angry and nobody holds a grudge better than a cat ( as cat owners well know ).
There ya go. My life could be ruined over because of a smelly, angry cat.
And I would take it too because he'd turn around and do something cute making me go, "aww who's a handsome kitty?".
Smelly cat bastard.
Why does he have to be cute?
*It's not a fact. It's just me making shit up 'cause it's my blog and I can.
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