I have trouble going outside. The outside world seems big and scary and like a big weight on my shoulders pressing me down into the ground.
You know, 'cause air is so heavy.
I also have social phobia which makes me fear being seen or talked to when I finally do make it outside.
Cut to this morning and I have to go get the morning paper at the end of our long-ass driveway. The sky is blue, it's beautiful out and I'm hiding behind the back door willing myself to turn the knob and go outside. Finally I do it. I just take a breath, twist that knob, and all of the sudden I'm out in the fresh air.
Ok, now what?
I literally start to hug the back wall of the house like I'm walking along a building ledge and creep along until I'm at the corner of the house.
I peek around the corner like any good covert ops person would do. Hey, I've seen movies, right? I return flat backed against the back wall and breathe like I'm about to turn the corner and fight for my life.
No one there.
I can do this.
I take a deep breath and turn the corner. Then I slowly walk towards the paper at the end of the driveway while scanning the scenery like a terminator looking for humans.
Still no one.
I grab the paper and make a bee-line towards the house. Why is it called a bee-line anyway? Don't bees have that figure 8 dance that they do?
But I digress.
I make it around the corner and quickly get myself through the back door again. I flop against that back door and pant with relief like I've just finished running a mile. (Not that I ever have run a mile. It's what I imagine, okay?)
I MOTHERFUCKING DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now to just get through the same thing tomorrow.