Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Another Shower Doom

Falling in the shower.

I picture it ALL THE TIME.

Slipping and cracking my head off the tile wall or marble threshold.  I picture myself laying all legs and arms splayed, broken, like a jigsaw puzzle that needs putting together.

But who cares about broken bones, am I right?

I shudder at the thought of the water going cold while I lay there helpless weakly crying out for help.

The cats would meow at me from the other side of the door thinking it's some sort of game.  Or more likely the cats would want me to get the hell out of the bathroom and feed them 'cause let's face it, cats are assholes.

But worst of all is the idea of finally getting help because that means NAKEDNESS.

Why oh why is the thought of someone seeing me naked and all folded up on the shower floor worse than lying there with my bones broken?  I know I'm huge and no swimsuit model but priorities, man!

What's wrong with my brain?

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