Tuesday, March 31, 2015

"And That's Why I Don't Chew Gum While Driving" Doom

Yesterday I was out an about.  I'm Canadian so hear that in your head as oot and aboot if you must, I won't blame you.

Anyhow, I was really thirsty.  The kind of thirsty that makes you throat close up and your mouth all pasty and gross.  At one of my stops, I pulled some gum out of my purse and, lo, my mouth wasn't so dry anymore.  Yay!  Everything is a-ok again.

I then start to drive home.  A 35ish minute drive.  I'm happily chewing away on my gum and popping it since I'm alone (I would never do that with anyone around because I know how irritating it is).  The drive is going smooth and the mixed bag weather was holding out to just being grey and windy.

All of the sudden I start thinking...

What if I choke on the gum while driving?

And I can't get the thought out of my head.

I would choke on my gum, and get into a car accident while suffocating on a stupid piece of gum. All of the sudden my gum is not my dry mouth saviour but the anti-christ.  At best I'm going to go off the road and end up in a ditch.  At worst I'm going to somehow take out a family and forever be known as the murderer of people by gum.

There will be a law enacted called "Amanda's Law" wherein you cannot chew gum while driving and because it's a law, people will purposely ignore it just like they do with the texting/phoning and driving laws.  I'll have started a line of carnage throughout history of people claiming they can "gum and drive".

So what do I do?  I reach for a tissue to get the gum out of my mouth and while reaching I almost drive off the road.  Ok, it wasn't that close, but it could have been!  There was definitely a minor swerve.

Let this be a lesson to you all.  Do not "gum and drive"!

Don't be a statistic!

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