Monday, March 2, 2015

Manhole Cover Doom (or how I became a rat overlord)

Manhole covers.  Yep, I'm talkin' manhole covers, grates, and metal plates.  In the road or on the sidewalk, it doesn't matter.

I can't walk on them.

My legs turn to molten jelly at just the thought of stepping on those things.

What if I fall through?

Will I fall break a leg in a sewer surrounded by foul things and rats?  What if the rats are really, really hungry and come at me with dinner on their nasty little minds?  Would I get eaten or would they take pity on me and somehow turn me into their human overlord(lady?).  I would live the rest of my days in the sewer ruling over my rat kingdom.  I'd like to think I'd be a fair and benevolent ruler. I'd teach them things and in return they would bring me tribute.  And eventually we'd plot to take over the world.  Win/win, right?

Or, what if because of my size I get stuck on the way down and half of me is above ground and half of me is below?  Humiliation AND panic all at the same time!

What if they have to jackhammer the pavement to get me out?  Not to mention, what if this happens at night and no one notices me?  If I'm in the street, I could get run over.  Or maybe I'd become "sidewalk girl" and people would write songs about me.

That'd be an interesting headline in the papers.

It's better just to avoid stepping on these things all together, I think.

Sorry rats, you'll have to find someone new to lead you.

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